FROM ANGER TO FORGIVENESS

A Reflective Journey of Doctor Chu.

There are quiet afternoons when the sun leans halfway down the roofs, and I find myself walking into my small familiar room—a place with an old wooden table, a worn-out chair that has followed me for nearly a decade, and shelves filled with books that have already turned the color of time. Nothing here is luxurious. Everything is old, simple, but to me… they are treasures. Each book carries a warmth of words that has never faded.

From the little window, I look out at a world covered in shades of green—the green of leaves, the green of the sky, the kind of green that has followed me since childhood. Growing up in a humble village with bamboo groves, warm sunlight, and the smell of dried rice straw, peace became a familiar friend to me. Perhaps that’s why… every time I close my eyes to meditate, I feel as if I’m returning to the old house of my childhood—where the wind whispers through banana leaves like a mother’s lullaby.

The quietness of this small room becomes a sanctuary—my escape from the noisy world outside. When I close my eyes, I enter another realm: the world of breath, of slowness, of truth.

This afternoon is no different. A gentle breeze moves the curtain, making a soft sound like the earth exhaling. I sit down, relax my shoulders, place my palms on my knees, and take a slow deep breath.

But as the breath begins to settle, a tangled bundle of emotions rises within me—anger, sadness, regret, tenderness… all woven together like a ball of knotted threads.

Maybe once you reach your mid-thirties, you begin to carry a strange collection of memories—ones that don’t have names.

This is my journey.
From anger… to forgiveness.

1. I Was Angry at Myself First — Blaming Myself

When I was younger, I often lived without discipline. My mind was filled with scattered thoughts; some days I worked hard, others I didn’t want to touch a single thing. I thought a lot, but did little. I lacked decisiveness, lacked caution, and sometimes became so passive that I grew irritated with myself.

Many nights, lying in the dark, I whispered:
“Chu… what have you become?”

The more I blamed myself, the heavier my heart felt.
Like mud sticking to one’s feet—the more you struggle, the deeper you sink.

But when I learned to sit in silence—not doing anything, just sitting—I began to understand something:

If I cannot forgive myself, who will?
If I cannot love myself, how can I expect others to love me?

I reflected for a long time and realized:
I have done many things right.
But I have been ignorant of many things too.

I once let negative energy seep into my mind without noticing.
I chose the wrong environment.
Trusted the wrong people.
Absorbed the wrong influences.
And lived inside negativity without realizing it.

Worse than being wrong… is not knowing that you’re wrong.

I used to blame circumstances.
Blame people.
Blame fate.

But if everything is “because of them,” then who is living my life?
Who is steering the wheel?

No… it cannot be like that.

Everything—100%—is my responsibility.

Not to punish myself,
but to free myself.

Understanding is the beginning of forgiveness.

So I let go.
Let go of blame.
Let go of the old self.
And returned to the only truth that exists:
the breath of the present moment.

2. The Money I Burned Away

There’s money that, even now, tastes bitter when I think about it.

Fresh out of school, my salary was barely enough. Yet I spent as if tomorrow would never come—drinking, eating out, buying things I didn’t need. And then those unfortunate investments… trusting people instead of trusting myself.

There were moments when I slapped my thigh and scolded myself:
“Chu, you might as well have burned it!”

But this afternoon, during meditation, I finally understood:

Back then, I didn’t know any better.
I used money to fill emotional voids.
Spent to numb myself.
Invested blindly because I lacked confidence.

I sighed—but it was a gentle sigh.

At least… I woke up in time.

3. Friends — Each Carrying Their Own Suffering

Life is full of people who hurt you.
Friends who betray.
Colleagues who misunderstand.
Even close ones who speak badly behind your back.

I used to be furious.

But meditation taught me something important:

Everyone suffers in their own way.
Some suffer from poverty.
Some from ego.
Some from childhood wounds.
Some from unmet love.

When you understand someone’s suffering,
you no longer have space to hate them.

I smiled softly and thought:
“People come and go.
Each one is a lesson.”

4. My Wife — Loving the Parts That Aren’t Perfect

Thinking of my wife, I chuckled.
There were days I was so tense that even a simple sentence from her made me snap.

She is sometimes clumsy, sometimes messy, sometimes too emotional.
But meditation helped me see a truth:

She is trying.
Trying to care for our home.
Trying to raise our children.
Trying to hold everything together—even the parts I don’t see.

How can a man full of flaws demand perfection from others?

Loving my wife is a lesson I must learn every day.

5. My Child — Every Child Blooms in Their Own Season

My child is not perfect.
Sometimes slow, sometimes forgetful, sometimes careless.

And yes, I once compared him to myself, to who I was at his age.

But meditation taught me:

A child is a seed.
Every seed blooms in its own season.

Rushing a flower doesn’t make it bloom faster—
it only breaks the stem.

Teaching my child is also teaching myself—
patience, compassion, understanding.

6. Colleagues — No One Is Perfect

The hospital environment is full of ego clashes.
People who like me.
People who don’t.
People who resent my progress.

Before, I reacted.
Now, I observe.

Everyone is fighting their own internal battles.

My only job…
is to keep my heart clean.

7. Those Who Hurt Me

There were people who hurt me deeply.
People who lied.
People who tried to bring me down.

I once vowed never to forgive.

But then I realized:

Forgiveness is not given because they deserve it.
Forgiveness is given because I deserve peace.

Holding anger is like holding burning coal—
hoping someone else gets burned,
while my own hand burns first.

This evening…
I finally set the coal down.

8. PDCA — The Way I Live After Letting Go

When my heart grew lighter, my life grew clearer.

I began living simply.
Slowly.
Deliberately.

I wrote journals.
Planned my days.
Focused on fewer things—
but meaningful things.

Plan – Do – Check – Act.
A quiet discipline.
A gentle transformation.
A life that grows like a lotus—
slowly, but steadily rising above muddy waters.

And slowly…
my life began to shine.

9. The End — Freedom in a Breath

When I opened my eyes after a long meditation,
yellow leaves were falling one by one outside.
The scent of wet earth rose into the air, warm and familiar.

I finally understood:

Anger tightens the heart.
Forgiveness lets it bloom.

I—Doctor Chu—
a doctor, a husband, a father, a man on the path of Buddhist practice,
have learned something precious:

Freedom is not wealth.
Freedom is a light heart.

Letting go is not giving up.
Letting go is no longer allowing the past or future to control you.

Letting go…
is living fully in the present moment.

Drinking tea knowing you’re drinking tea.
Walking knowing you’re walking.
Breathing knowing you’re breathing.

This is peace.
This is freedom.
This… is healing.

And it all begins from one simple act:
Sit down.
Look deeply into your own heart.
And forgive.

Thank you for listening to my story,
“From Anger to Forgiveness.”

May it bring you peace.
May it bring you clarity.
May it bring you home… to yourself.

Related article: A Journey of Healing, Rehabilitation, and Hope for Patients in Bac Ninh, Vietnam

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